Week 3 -- MONSTER'S Inc.

Pierre: Good evening and welcome to another edition of Randy's Weekly Statistical Report! Now, I know some of you were expecting GM Burgundy to write this report after recovering from his Crosboner, but, after a long night of drinking scotch with Ron, he said to us "You know, you guys were great last week and I think you should do it again. I think it's fun to spice it up with some special guest hosts, it worked great on the old Carson show."

Milbury: And Pierre, I couldn't agree more with GM Burgundy. I've always been a huge fan of Carson Daly, from his work on Last Call, to hosting the Voice, I think Carson is the true king of late night television.

Pierre: Actually Mike, I think Ron was talking about Johnny Carson.

Milbury: Who?

Pierre: Moving on, let's check out these weeks numbers!


RANK BY POINTS

1. Dick Burns: 423.35 (+157.05 since week 2)
2. Tree Bone:   401.90 (+162.85 since week 2)      
3. Safari:          398.65 (+138.9 since week 2)
4. AznSitch:    364.85 (+129.05 since week 2)
5. Burgs:         364.05 (+134.40 since week 2)

  
RANK BY POINTS PER-GAME (PPG)

1. Safari:         3.62
2. Tree Bone:  3.53        
3. Dick Burns: 3.50
4. AznSitch:   3.44
5. Burgs:        3.06

1) THE NAME IS BONE, TREE BONE.

Pierre: As we predicted last week, Tree Bone  has moved up the rankings and is now right in the hunt for the top spot along with Burns and Safari. She gained the most points over the last week, is second in points per-game overall, and I would not be surprised if she kept moving up the rankings. When asked for her take, Tree Bone told me "Oy! It's all about me mates Marleau and Carey Price. One's been stoppin' all da shots, and da otha keeps shovin' dem in! They've been rogerin' tha competition betta than Ramsey and tha blokes at Arsenal!"

Milbury: She makes a great point Pierre

Pierre: She does?

Milbury: Of course! Her team is heating up, and Marleau has been great, I guess you were wrong with your whole 'Beware putting tide on Sharks' thing.

Pierre: It was 'Beware the ides of Sharks', it was a Shakespeare reference

Milbury: Did he write for Carson Daly?

Pierre: *sigh*

2) PRIDE BEFORE THE WINTER

Milbury: But listen Pierre, before you go too crazy over the Duchess of Bone's team over there, don't forget that Safari has an even higher points per-game, and I think Ovechkin still hasn't kicked into high gear just yet.

Pierre: That's true Mike, and Safari's made some very interesting roster moves in the past few days, dropping boy-wonder Tomas Hertl and picking up the red-hot Joe Pavelski and Sean Monahan.

Milbury: I'm glad you brought that up Pierre, because I'd like to announce that I just traded my car and $1,000 in cash to acquire Tomas Hertl onto my Fantasy team.

Pierre: You what? But Mike, you're not even part of this Fantasy League, and it doesn't cost any money to acquire players.

Milbury: ...I knew I shouldn't have listened to Charles Wang.

3) A TALE OF TWO GOALIES 

Pierre: Now if you want to know why Dick Burns has been doing so well, look no further than the incredible goal tending of Tuukka Rask and Marc-Andre Fleury. They've let in only 22 goals combined and each has accumulated over 50+ fantasy points each. If that's not the definition of a MONSTER, then I don't know what is.

Milbury: And on the other side, one goalie who still needs a lot of help is Henrik Lundqvist. When I talked to GM Sitch, he told me "Hank's cheek bones so chiseled. They are like beautiful face abs. Every time I go to talk to Hank to motivate him, I get lost in his eyes and end up doing crunches to try and imprezz him."

Pierre: Wow, it sounds like getting Lundvist going may be a bit of an up-hill battle. But remember, Sitch still has a very strong points per-game and with Stamkos starting to make it rain fantasy points, I don't think he has anything to worry about.

4) THE INJURY BU(r)G

Pierre: Well, to wrap this report up, let's look at the bad luck  Burgundy has had on the injury front so far. He came into the season expecting to up his goal produciton from last year by picking up James Neal and Rick Nash, but now they're both on the injured reserved for at least a few more weeks.

Milbury: And don't forget that not only are those two out, but Taylor Hall is now having an MRI, Kronwall has a concussion, and James van Riemsdyk has been battling back spasms.

Pierre: Oh boy. Not sure what Burgs strategy should be, should he try for a trade? Should he try and hope his players get some better protection on the ice? When I asked Burns what he would do, he told me "I don't believe in protection."


Milbury: Wise words Dick!