Hmmm...

Get your thinking caps on, gentlemen and lady. The greatest minds are always pondering, wondering and hypothesizing. It's what makes the world go round; it's what advances us further in quality of life.

So, what shall we be thinking about today? Well, how about this: what would have happened if all select-GM's stuck with their initial draft picks?

"I think..."

"That's so fetch!" said Burgundy.

African Lion Safari has assembled the projected fantasy point totals for each select-GM inside Randy's V, under the assumption that each select-GM stuck with their initial picks and made no trades during the year. Players who were injured during the year were replaced by other players who were available, and maximum games/points was utilized for each team. What were the results? See for yourself:

1. TREE BONE, 3,450.05

2. AFRICAN LION SAFARI, 3,275.40 

3. DICK BURNS, 3,064.75

4. SITCH, 3,057.70

5. BURGS, 3,056.15

"Oi! I should have been crowned winner of Randy's V!" cried Tree Bone.

Indeed, Tree Bone. Hindsight is painful, isn't it? What does this all tell us? It's hard to say. Safari went on the offensive and engaged in the most trades/transactions; for his efforts, he finished second overall. Sitch was in the middle; he took part in 13 moves, far fewer than Safari, but included pick ups in Giroux and Quick (later traded for Seguin). Tree Bone hardly changed a thing and ended up in the middle of the pack. It's literally impossible to create a trend from these stats.

"All I see is this: had I stayed crouched down like a young cub and banked my ~3,200 points. But instead I did some wheeling and dealing and got upwards of ~3,400 points, challenging for first overall. I'm satisfied with the way I played it," said Safari.

Great insight, Safari. More to come later.

Cordially,

Morpheus Randy

WK26 - Double Crunched

And that's the way it is.

The V has finally come to a close. Sad in many ways. However, now NHL fanatics across the world can now witness the best damn hockey the planet has to offer, i.e. round one of the Stanley Cup playoffs. It is my opinion that round one brings the best hockey around; players are fresh, teams are hungry and there are so many different story lines to follow that one can hardly keep track. The second round is also pretty sick, though some injuries (either disclosed or undisclosed) usually surface and some teams literally can't go full throttle. And, because of this, people can begin to make excuses for teams not playing as well as they could be.

Anyways, onto the matter at hand. Congratulations to ---

"Don't say it! God damn it don't say it!" cried Burgundy, clasping his hands over his bodacious ears.

--- As I was saying: congratulations to Team AznSitch, winner of Randy's V 2013-2014.

"JEAH!"

This is Sitch's second championship in the Randy Leagues. He also won Randy's Redemption 2013; no easy task.

"Thank you, Commissioner Randy," said Sitch. "I'm proud and honoured. Thank you to all select-GMs for a great season."

A great season indeed, gentleman and lady. Here are the stats, for the (*tear*) last time this season:

There will be hindsight analysis upcoming. There will be a final installment of GM's Quarterly. Once time permits I will report the findings. And, there will be another season, no doubt.

"Sublime," chimed in Dick, chardonnay in hand.

Cordially,

Commissioner Randy

WK25 - Speech Bubbles

Another week, gone! Just like that!

Again, I'm terribly busy. But I've come up with the stats for this week, and I've also compiled a candid word-art weekly speech bubble of a certain select-GM. I hope you readers enjoy.

"I most certainly will," said Dick Burns.

Before that, here are the visuals:

And now... (drum roll) the candid weekly speech bubble:

Click to enlarge!

3000

Though I am especially busy these days with other endeavors, I must congratulate all select-GMs for making it past the 3,0000 fantasy point milestone. No easy task, gentlemen and lady. No easy task indeed.

"Monstrous!" says McGuire.

"Did you notice something else?" asked Burgundy, with a grin on his face.

Yes, Burgundy. I noticed it.

Adds McGuire: I noticed it too! For the first time this season, Burgundy has erected himself out of fifth place and into fourth!

"Jeah! Jeah! Jeah!" cheered Burgundy.

Congratulations to you all. May the last few weeks of the season bring you joy and prosperity. It has been a delight for me, Morpheus Randy, and I hope to cherish the last few licks of this delicious V.

"That's disgusting!" cried Tree Bone.

"That's how you like it," said Dick Burns.

Wise words, Dick.

WK24 - Gone Fishin'

Fellow select-GM's,

I'm busy with other endeavors. I apologize for the lack of reports. I will continue posting when time permits.

Here are last week's visuals, courtesy of the stats machine:

WK23 - Ooh It's Kinda Crazy

It's official.

AznSitch has tied the record for most consecutive weeks at number one. He has now sat atop the rankings for eight weeks consecutive, which matches the record set by Burgundy during Randy's Redemption 2013. It's kinda crazy no?

"Ooh it's (definitely) kinda crazy!" responded Safari.

"What can I say?" said Sitch rhetorically. "No one does it better than Abdom-Phenom! Hazzz!"

(Sidenote: Hat tip to Safari for reminding me of Soul Decision earlier this week. S to the D is absolutely unreal.)

"Fucking LOVE the Soul Decision puns, Morpheus Randy," said Dick Burns, via telegraph from England. "Cheerio!"

"Fucking LOVE S'ing D!" said Burgundy.

"... ewe that's gross!" said Tree Bone.

"I think he's saying 'Jeah!'" chimed in Burgs.

Thanks for the input, gentlemen and lady, but this is getting a wee bit too X-rated; let's not get too hot and sticky so soon.

Moving on, Sitch can thank Lundqvist, Giroux and Stamkos for putting up admirable weeks. After slow starts to the season, Lundqvist and Giroux have been putting up prime numbers since January, and Stamkos looks to be running smooth after returning from surgery. 

Here are the visuals, courtesy of the stats machine:

"Though numbers fascinate me, I must admit I am more curious to hear about what has happened to Sir Dickery Burns as of late," said Tree Bone. "What's up with that big Dick?"

Well, like I mentioned in a previous post, Dick has crossed the Atlantic, visiting some tail in England. Apparently, this piece of tail is sublime, a mare-iage worthy bitty, or, dare I say, a needle in a haystack.

"Oh, your reference to horses and haystacks are too much for me!" said Dick.

But it hasn't been all fun and games for Dick Burns over the last few weeks. I was informed earlier this month that Dick Burns had once again suffered a mild upper body injury, aka. a concussion. Sources have indicated that he suffered the injury while at home. Dick Burns, still getting accustomed to his new digs in St. Johns, was walking around his flat when he mistakenly bumped his noggin on a low beam. It resulted in a mild concussion, which almost cost him his trip to England. Thankfully, he was able to recover from the injury and has been thrusting in full force.

"Good to hear you're alright, DB."

"Yup, that's exactly what happened," said Dick Burns. "It's slightly embarrassing, but it could have been much worse. I'm only looking forward, and from what I can see, everything is coming up Dick!"

"... ewe that's gross!" said Tree Bone.

Dear lord Tree Bone, can't you think of something else to say?! Until next time,

the Fucking Randy

WK22 - Love is All You Need

I hate to say it, but this V is actually winding up. It has been a gracious giver, not having closed her doors (ewe!) for more than seven months. But now as we get down to the last month or so, I can't help but feel a bit melancholy.

"'Es OK," said a close friend of mine.

Everybody needs some Juan.

For those of you who don't get the reference, please crawl out of your cave and watch some sublime ABC trash television. The Fucking Randy knows good trash television when he sees it, and the Bachelor is no exception. What better way to celebrate love then via a game of Survivor meets polygamy?

That being said, I do believe that, in this world, love is all you need.

"Hey! That's the title of this blog post!" chest-pumped Sitch.

How observant, you meat-fuck.

Despite the absolute hilarity and addictive trash I witnessed on the Bachelor, love is indeed all you need in this world. And I do think the V demonstrates this very well. I mean, for the first time in what I feel like is eternity, all select-GMs are happy, in love, and well. How nice is that? (no sarcasm)

Aside, here are the stats, courtesy of the stats machine: 

I shall step away from my normal statistical analysis this week for a few reasons. One, I'm tired, and I don't think I can muster up the energy to deal with Pierre's insider reports ("Nooo!" cried Pierre). Second, I'm feeling anti-vulgar today (shocking, I know). Maybe it's because the days are getting longer, or maybe it's because Dick Burn's informed me that he has once again gone MIA, this time making his way across the Atlantic to visit his previous mate.

"Cheerio!" said Dick as he left the sweet eastern harbor.

I'm happy for you, Dick. 

I'm happy for you too, Burgs. 

I'm happy for you as well, Sitch.

I'm happy, as always, for you, Tree Bone.

I'm happy as can be for you, Safari.

Be happy, my good select-GMs, at your fortunes.

Cordially,

Morpheus Randy