"DUDE are we going clubbin?!" said a hip-thrusting Sitch. "Let me get my GTL disc remixxx!"
No no, slow down Sitch. The Fucking Randy ain't going clubbing, not with your filthy meat-hoes anyway. I prefer a classier approach of GTL: Grooming, a visit to my Tailor, and finally arranging for a Limo.
"Dope," said Sitch, in awe.
We're just over the quarter-mark inside the V, and it looks like a few select-GMs have achieved Club G status, aka. they've amassed at least 1,000 fantasy points. An achievement worth placing on a mahogany pedestal? Absolutely not, but a pat on the back is reasonable.
Congratulations to Dick Burns, Tree Bone and Safari for reaching Club G. Sitch and Burgs, keep your head down and work hard, bitches. You will get there.
Speaking of Club G, Mr. G (Glenn Healy) has stopped by again. The charts from the stats machine and major weekly headlines follow below. Glen added a little colour commentary for shits and giggles.
The visuals:
And here are the headlines:
As mentioned in GMs Quarterly, Dick swore that the ass handing and ass fucking would continue, and he's delivered on his promise.
Adds Glen: I fucking love Dick!
Thanks for that, Glen (?). Rask and Fleury continued producing points for Dick, and both are making him look like gold. But what about the other select-GMs? Do any others stand a chance?
Adds Glen: I gotta say Sitch and his G-Entourage have the most potential. I was a goalie back in my day, and I know starters when I see one. Sitch's group of Gs are tops in the League; they just haven't peaked yet. His rainbow in the G categories aren't sublime, but they aren't the worst I've seen. The wins will come, and that will assist him the most.
[2] NEAL, NASH UPRISING
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| "Looks like he's saying 'Jeah!'" said Burgs. |
"Great Odin's Raven I'm relieved," said a temporarily relaxed Burgundy. "I've been long awaiting the return of Nash and Neal, and that finally happened this week. They got me a couple goals and I could not be happier."
I could not be happier for Burgundy at this point. He had such tough luck at the beginning of the season, and now it appears his engine is finally humming at the right frequency.
Adds Glen: 3G, 3A from Neal this week. Plus, Crosby (oh, how dreamy he is...) added 3G and 2A for kicks. What more could you ask for? I guess a topless photo of Sid would be nice...
Stop, Glen.
[3] MALKIN SURGES
A relief for Tree Bone, I am sure. Malkin amassed 1G, 7A this week, good for 24.75 fantasy points. Before that, he hadn't scored in ages, and Crosby appeared to be getting all the attention. As Malkin was Tree Bone's keeper selection, I imagine she is hoping this uptrend will continue.
"The way he's playing right now, he could dance around an entire team while pouring a cup'o'tea!" cheered a joyful Tree Bone.
Adds Glen: Yes, well he may be great this week, but does he have the strength and stability of a Crosby? I mean, Crosby is just so, so ---
Stop, Glen.
[4] IT'S GREAT TO BE AO8
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| "Look bitches; I'm flying! |
It appeared to be a race between Stamkos and Ovechkin for top scorer until Stamkos fell. Nonetheless, Ovechkin, possibly motivated for Soshi, is being such a G, leading the League with 20G and 124.20 fantasy points.
"I almost kept Malkin instead of him," said Safari. "I would have been pissed."
Adds Glen: Sure, he's scoring now. But what about his team? The Capitals are still inconsistent, allow a lot of goals, and need more leadership if they are to be a contender. I mean, look, when Crosby's on the ice, his leadership just shines; he's like a colonel that receives undivided attention; he's the flag that flaps effortlessly in the wind; he's ---
Alright, this is fucking retarded. Glen, you've been relieved of your reporting duties. I can't have a colour analyst being this Crosboned. You're done.
"Never liked that Glen," said Dick Burns. "Even though he said great things about my team, I never liked him. It was like getting a compliment from a salesman. Ain't worth shit."
Wise words, Dick.
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