ROA 1 - RMBs

As promised, I have started a Randy's Oriental Adventure (ROA) series. This is the first of many posts. Today's topic: an look at RMBs.

Everyone talks about how cheap shit is in the Orient. Specifically, in China. Well, Randy went to go find out for himself. I thought I'd begin this ROA series with the Chinese RMB since it's quite easy to talk about. Everyone needs to make dollars (or RMBs) meet on a daily basis, so I thought this would be a good place to start.

For simplicity sake, I'll refer to all prices in $CDN as readers of this blog are primarily from Hockey country. For those who are interested, ¥6 RMB is about the equivalent of $1 CDN.

A lover of all things money-green, the Fucking Randy hates spending money without reason. It's not that I'm poor (quite the opposite, actually); it's just that I hate seeing money go to waste. I would say that I am frugal, but not to the likes of a Buffett. But, given the fact that my visit to the Orient was a once in a lifetime opportunity, I decided to allocate a small fund to luxury spending, aka. shit that I want but do not necessarily need.

Now, I could go on and on about what shit I bought, but that would be a bore. It is also what materialistic bitches brag about, which is not my style. I'll list a few items below for filler, but the more important topic at hand will be discussed later.

Here are a few items that a crisp $20 CDN bill can buy you in China:

• 60 bottles of water
• 35 breakfast wraps, possibly the most delicious wraps I've ever had
• 12 iPhone cases, because everyone needs that many
• 30 round trips by bus from the suburbs to downtown Shanghai (with air conditioning)
• 60 round trips by bus from the suburbs to downtown Shanghai (without air conditioning)
• 6 meals at Pizza Hut
• A very, very decent leather belt
• A couples spa package, including scalp wash and massage, facial and back massage
• A custom made collared shirt (long sleeve)
• The company of a KTV girl for half of the evening (no touching!)

Thank you, Jeffrey Tambor.

The more important topic at hand is this: money is of the necessity in China. I don't mean it as a positive or a negative; it is simply a fact. I was walking the streets one afternoon, looking at a fine piece of jewelry a vendor was selling and asked for a price. She said, "100 RMBs, handsome lad." In good time, I chopped her down to ¥40, but she was begging for me to pay ¥45.

"It's a measly ¥5!" I argued while caressing my Pulitzer Prize medal, affixed to my chest. In my head, this was less than $1 CDN, which virtually meant nothing.

"If it's measly to you, then give it to me!" she begged.

I have to admit; it was a good line. And the point that struck home was that this nation's citizens love to bargain, and that they need to chase every single RMB, just as all select-GMs need every last fantasy point. With scarce resources and fellow countrymen fighting for all they can get, each and every extra RMB means something.

While it may be fun and games to prowl the streets looking for the next great bargain, I was surprised to learn that bargaining, negotiating, and "ripping off customers" is not directed to foreigners. I mean, I'm sure that it happens more often, but it is not restricted. I spoke to a local who had this to say:

"I hate it. Imagine a place where you must always be on guard, 24/7. A place where your fellow countrymen do not protect you, nor do they protect one another. Imagine that you question every single purchase you make because you're unaware of the true quality of the item. And no matter how much you try to give the benefit of the doubt or believe the handshake of your fellow countrymen, you will be wrong. Imagine that.

"We are not born like this. We are born into it. We are not all for this type of behavior, but it is now custom. In a nation where the majority are grossly underpaid, money becomes all that matters. If money matters, desperation becomes the norm, and lower prices are the consequence. Honesty, integrity, the environment and the concept of sacrifice for the sake of greater good is secondary, by a large margin. Newborns are raised and told that RMBs justify anything and everything; generation Y's only care about what they or their friends can buy. Your success (and failure) in the dating scene is largely, if not absolutely, correlated to your RMBs."

I love my money, to the point where I check my accounts daily so I am aware of my account balances. But, this type of culture was beyond my comprehension, and I understood the concerns and frustrations of this local. It is one thing to be a tourist having fun with hyper street vendors trying to sell you lucky charms, but it's another to live there every day and wonder if the liquid you put into your moped is really gasoline.

"Insightful," said Dick Burns. "By the way, did you pay the ¥45 for the jewelry?"

No, Dick. I got it down to ¥40.