Sunday, 13 October 2013

BREAKING: Burgundy Admitted to Hospital

"Don't act like you're not impressed" -- Burgundy to local nurse
(SPECIAL REPORT FROM DARREN DREGER):
Good evening. My sources have confirmed that following Sidney Crosby's 3 goal, 1 assist performance on Saturday night, GM Ron Burgundy was admitted to San Diego General Hospital with a Class-5 Crosboner. While it is said that Burgundy did sustain some minor injuries after his erection ripped through his imported Eddie Bauer t-shirt, Doctors confirm that he is expected to make a full recovery.

Sources also report that Burgs has found a replacement to fulfill his reporting duties to Commissioner Fucking Randy and will be paying the reporter(s) with Scotch and a wheel of cheese; however, no names have been confirmed as of yet.


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