After earlier reports hinted at contract negotiations with a mystery analyst, Commissioner Randy is pleased to report that former NHLer Glenn Healy has signed on as an official analyst for Randy's V. A contributor to CBC/speed gun fanatic/wise ass guy extraordinaire, he joins a roster of dedicated analysts, including the likes of Pierre McGuire, Mike Milbury and Pierre LeBrun.
 |
| "JEAH!" fist pumps Burgundy. |
"What the fuck is this?!" demanded Milbury. "I thought we had exclusivity! I don't want to share the limelight with some low-IQ irrational being!"
Oh, Milbury, you're one to talk.
"I'm so pleased," said Healy to reporters earlier this morning as he measured the incredible speed at which Crosby tied his skates. "I wish to provide premiere analysis to Randy's Reports, and I know my intellect and speed gun will bring these reports up to speed."
Glenn, you'll need way better puns than that. Regardless, as his first engagement, Glenn has looked over the two trades this week between Dick/Safari and Dick/Sitch. He's speedy analysis is provided below:
TRADE 1
Dick trades: Evander Kane, John Carlson, Phil Kessel
Safari trades: Pavel Datsyuk, Duncan Keith, Ryan Kesler
 |
| Kessel leaves the Big D, joins the Pride. |
Healy: I love big Dick, and I love big trades. This was a monster ("That's my line!" cried McGuire). Datsyuk has been phenomenal this season, and it should help out the scoring which has been lacking for Team DB. Dick also gets dependable Keith in this transaction, and since he's manning the point on a high-octane Chicago roster, he'll easily get points just by being on the ice. Dick's defense hasn't been as strong as in prior years, so this bodes well for him.
However, Dick did give up a lot. Kane and Kessel have been phenomenal wingers this season. Though Kessel is inconsistent, he can deliver when he's on. Safari, already with sound offence, gets additional support in this trade and gave up two forwards who are older and prone to injury.
Winner of the trade: Based on my speed gun, I've got to go with Safari. Speed wins, and Kane and Kessel are missiles.
TRADE 2
Dick trades: John Tavares
AznSitch trades: Dustin Byfuglien, Marian Hossa
Healy: I love smaller dicks, and I love smaller trades. That's not saying that this was minuscule by any means. Let's not forget: Tavares was the first overall pick in this years draft, so I'm a bit surprised that Dick was willing to let him go. However, when I look at his roster, I can see his reasons. With so many Cs (see Zetterberg, Getzlaf, Toews), he can afford to lose a few. Can he afford to lose his most prized C? Perhaps, given that he's bolstered his defense with the addition of Byfuglien (and let's not forget he acquired Keith in his trade with Safari).
 |
| Tavares rejoins Team Sitch, where he played last year. |
As for Sitch, trading away his players was no cup of protein mix. Byfuglien is one of the few defensemen in the League who can put up points even when he doesn't score, and he scores often. Hossa, who has averaged over 3.7 PPGP this season, is also a point producer; the only drawback is that he is injury prone. Regardless, with the loss of Stamkos, Sitch was looking for a number one C to take his place, and I think he got a suitable replacement. Should Stamkos return this year, Sitch will be well-prepared to dominate the scoring race. Remember what happened down the stretch in last year, with Sitch playing both Stamkos and Tavares?
Winner of the trade: I'm going to wait on this. My gut tells me Sitch has the edge due to acquiring Tavares. However, a defenseman like Byfuglien is no slim picking, and Hossa plays regularly with Toews and Sharp, which should give Dick Burns plenty of opportunity to cash in. I'm undecided.
"Glen, you're all talk and no finish," said Dick.
Wise words, Dick.
No comments:
Post a Comment