BREAKING: Dick Burns receives BALLER STATUS

"Add it to rest of them," said Dick Burns.

[Transcript from media Q&A session earlier this afternoon at Camp DB]

Select-GM Dick Burns presiding:

Thank you for attending today's Q&A. Not sure exactly why this was called, but my intel advised that there would be several attendees today, and they are right. I'll address a few questions before heading back to my offices. The floor is open.

Mr. Burns, can you comment on your upgrade to Baller Status?

What is there to say? This award is given out to those who have done courageous, thrilling and successful actions. I am one of them, therefore I received the award. Enough said.

What did you do, exactly?

Next question.

Sources indicate that you took an enormous leap of faith and were successful. Can you confirm that this is true?

... Yes.

Did you serve up meat?

... That can mean a lot of things, but yes.

Personal, or Korean style?

Next question.

Artist's conception.

Artist's conception.

Do you have any appreciation for by-laws? You were spotted leaving restaurants, bars and hotels much past closing/checkout times. Why do you think you are immune from these rules?

I can't help it if I think by-laws can be voided when important matters are at hand. Listen, I am a law-abiding citizen; I care for my country and for my fellow countrymen. But when there is much at stake, like love, war etc. one must do everything he can to achieve his goals. Fuck by-laws.

What is your opinion on The Rex Hotel?

It's a good place. Has "a life of its own."

The Sex --- I mean, Rex.

Would you go there again?

Who's asking?

Are you proud of receiving Baller Status?

What kind of question is that? Of course I am. It doesn't happen everyday. Well, maybe for some people (like myself) it happens everyday, but that doesn't mean I take it for granted. I am proud. Very proud.

Can you give us some more details as to what your achievement was? Please?!

A gentleman does not kiss and tell. You can speculate all you want. One more question and then I'm out.

What's your favourite thing in the world?

Long goodbyes. Goodnight.