New Promises from Old Friends

I am sad to see the holidays come to a close. But I guess that is better than the alternative. Nobody ever wants to be the guy (or girl) to say "God I can't wait to get back to work."

I always look forward to January. January, to me, is like the new girl I'm about to sack. January is new, it's foreign and it's full of energy. You can afford to take chances, make changes and even perhaps indulge in a little experimenting without being too cautious. Just like a new lay, you don't have to worry about the consequences of your actions; who says you need to call January back for a second date?

... Jeah, I'd probably call her back.

This is precisely why the month of January always interests Sir Fucking Randy. I love to see the types of shit people come up with to better themselves. Now, I'm not trying to be a bear-shitter here; I applaud evolution and continuous improvement. I'm not here to judge peoples resolutions; I'm purely saying that I love discovering the weaknesses people believe they have. For example, my gym (not a GoodLyfe) is always a little busier around January because of all the new entrants who wish to better themselves physically. This crowd usually dies off by February, probably due to giving up or preferring some chips on a couch rather than making their ways to a cold gym.

So, my dear old friends, what is your New Year's Resolution? Sir Fucking Randy found out the answers. Here they are:

DICK BURNS - "Despite the joy of docking East Coast honeys, my New Year's Resolution is to attempt the impossible: find my true love," said Dick Burns. "I know this is incredibly vague, but this goal is one which is challenging yet possible I believe, especially in 2014. I may not accomplish it fully, but laying out the groundwork is definitely an option."

Artist's conception.

TREE BONE - "I would like to plan ahead," said Tree Bone. "I'm someone who loves to live in the moment; free mind, free spirit, free drinks. I'm not saying I want to give all that stuff up, but I think as I get older I need to start thinking a bit more proactively. It's sort of a prevention vs. reaction strategy. I'm not totally sure if this will work, but that's my goal. Plan ahead."

Legit.

AZNSITCH - "People are going to laugh at me for this," said Aznsitch, "but I want to improve my intelligence. I've done a lot with my physical self, and I think it's time to move towards my brain. I love brain. I should feed it more often with books and information. That's not to say that I am going to give up on my body; no fucking way. I'll just have to start reading while pumping. I'll call it Reamping.

Muscle and brain can co-exist.

SAFARI - "Never been a huge fan of resolutions," commented Safari, "but I think I have one this year. I want to be a better provider. I've done plenty for myself during my life so far, and I believe it's time I take a more detailed look at being a provider for others. As a married man, I'd do anything for my significant other, and I will strive to do my best for her going forward."

"Everything I do is for the family."

BURGUNDY - "My resolution is to be Leo," said Burgundy. "Just look at the way he fucking dresses; he's such a G. I now sport an MPA, which means that my gentlemanly status has been put up a few thousand notches. My class and stature needs to properly reflect that. From my speech to my wardrobe, my posture to my grace, I need to up it all. Ladies and gentlemen, 2014 will bring a newer, Leo-like Burgundy."

"Jeah!"

Wise words, from all of you.