WK11 - Oh the Monstrosity!

Before I begin this week's stats report, Burgundy would like to go on record for comment.

"Ebbs and flows, ebbs and flows," said Burgundy, swaying his hands rhythmically.

Right he is. After last week's lackluster point production from all select-GMs, WK11 showed monstrous ebb and flow; the average point accumulation by each select-GM erected to 166.01 fantasy points, compared to last week's flaccid 106.61 fantasy points. Bringing home the most bacon this week was Sitch, who topped up 171.95 fantasy points. Kudos, Sitch.

"Don't praise me yet. I still have to deal with an underperforming King," commented Sitch, clearly unhappy with the performance of Lundqvist, his first selection in the 2013 V draft. "He's been looking like a real Baratheon lately."

Lundqvist's performance: fat and ugly.

All select-GMs are dealing with shortcomings one way or the other, Sitch. You are no different.

Now, I know what you're all thinking. I titled this post "Oh the Monstrosity!" which begs to question whether Pierre McGuire will be making an appearance. The Fucking Randy will not disappoint.

"Monster!"

Here are this week's visuals:

I"ll let Pierre McGuire take it from here. What have we learned, Pierre?

Adds McGuire:

TREE BONE - What a fine-young-woman. FYW, FYW. Her ship continues to steer itself, Commissioner Randy. Her scoring numbers are keeping up with League averages, and her goaltending is second best. Kopitar, Perry and Marleau are especially worth noting, considering the fact that they averaged close to 5 PPGP in the last week. That's some mighty fine efficiency going on there. Reports are also indicating that Malkin's injury is not serious, which must be a sigh of relief for team Tree Bone.

"I'm relieved," said Tree Bone from her Brother-Nation home. "The throne is mine to lose, and I do not intend on loosening my grip. I've grabbed some mighty big things with these two hands, and this throne shall not slip from my grip."

"I've grabbed some mighty big things."

DICK BURNS - I absolutely love what Dick Burns has been doing the last few weeks. LOVE IT! He jumped out of the gates early on with massive points, but there were whispers going about that it was due to playing too many games up front. Well, he's scaled back, applied sound bench management, and now he's got a more reasonable projected maximum games played, with the exception of C (projected to be +25 games). He's got a few games in hand from Tree Bone, most of which comes from his goalies. Assuming his goalie tandem continues, he could challenge for the throne any given week.

"Anyone want to trade for centres?" asked Dick.

AFRICAN LION SAFARI - The musical chairs continue at Camp Safari, who has yet again made tending changes. He's picked up interim tender Martin Jones of the LA Kings and also hopes to cash in with Jonas Hiller while the Ducks keep rolling.

"I'm actually kind of happy with my roster presently," said Safari. "I might not change my roster for a full 24 hours."

Always thinking, Safari is.

I wouldn't dub Safari my patented "fine-young-[insert man/woman]" status just yet, but he's coming close. If Safari's goalie swaps can finally solve his issues in the net, I think he's headed in the right direction. Looking at his rainbow, he's in the red in most tending categories, so his latest move could be a big one should the Kings and Ducks continue to play well.

AZNSITCH - He brought home the most bacon this week, but it didn't come without some lumps. His Super Saturday was an absolute flop, and if not for a few key weekly performances in Sharp, Giroux and Luongo, he would have had a substandard week. As mentioned earlier, Lundqvist has been weighing down Team Sitch since the start of the season, and it appears there is no end in sight for this funk he's in.

"I'm out of ideas," said Sitch. "He's a first overall pick; I can't drop him. I can't trade him either because no one will give me anything substantial, and why would they? The stats don't demand that kind of return. Finally, he's just too damn good looking to drop."

"Nope, can't drop him," said Sitch.

I would feel for Sitch if he was doing worse, but when you look at his team's performance, his numbers aren't bad. Plus, I like his approach in picking up Olympic-hopeful Jonathan Quick; reports indicate he's well into practice mode and will be ready before December's end. This could be a potential solution to Lundqvist's shortcomings.

RON BURGUNDY - Big Burgundy came in with the lowest fantasy point accumulations this week at 148.45 fantasy points.

"True," said Burgundy, "but you have to remember that Neal is out. Had he been playing, he probably would have amassed at least 20 fantasy points, bringing my total to around 170 for the week."

That might be true. Neal, still serving out the remainder of his suspension, was a monster earlier when he returned from injury, and his absence on left wing has left Team Burgundy out to dry. In addition, his goalie situation has worsened due to the injury to Crawford. As the V approaches the mid-mark, I have to think Burgundy is thinking either (1) rebuild, or (2) high-octane trades.

"Fuckin' Sitch and his goalie hoarding... fuckin' hate that meat-head," said Burgundy.

Well, that's all for me. McGuire, signing off!

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Until next time, gentleman and lady.

Cordially,

- the Fucking Randy