The second artcile of this year's NQ features last year's Redemption Finalist, African Lion Safari. I caught up with Safari at his home, where he served delicate medium-rare meats and bloody Red Bulls.
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| African "Silver Lion" Safari |
[the following interview took place in the home of African Lion Safari on 12/13/2013]
Greetings once again, African Lion Safari.
Hello to you, Commissioner Randy. Or as we say in the pride lands, "Roar." Welcome to my home. You may sit anywhere the light touches.
How Disney of you.
Thanks. Or as we say in the pride lands, "Roar."
... No need for the translations. I think English will suffice for this Next Question series.
... So be it.
Now, how do you like the V?
I'm loving it. I'm in many fantasy leagues, but hockey is where my passion lies, and the Randy Leagues is where I put forth my best effort. Nothing would please me more than to win this League outright; it is my bloody wish that I win this year.
Think you can do it? You've been unofficially dubbed the "Silver Lion", as you are notorious for finishing second.
Yeah, I'm aware of that moniker. Listen, I believe consistency is important; finishing second is no easy task in this League. Like all select-GMs, I get nervous about finishing last, which is quite possible in any fantasy league because shit is so unpredictable. Therefore, I should look at my consistent silvers as a plus.
However, nobody remembers second place. It's kind of like the Ottawa Senators back in the 90s and early 2000s; they were consistent, made the playoffs, but never won a damn thing. Who remembers a consistent team? Nobody. You only remember champions.
Wise words, wise words. Your team has a lot going for you. What do you think are your assets?
My freaking mane, no doubt. Long, bushy; it should rival Dick Burns' dick burns. I don't know why everyone thinks his hairs are such a big deal; my mane is just as amazing.
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| #NoFilter |
By assets, I wasn't really referring to your physique. I was thinking more like your team roster, general management skills, etc.
Oh, my apologies. Well, I have to say my entire team isn't necessarily an asset; they've given me some grey (mane) hairs. I'll tell it like it is (unlike some other select-GMs): I wasn't happy with my drafting. I think I was too tired when it started. Or I ate some bad meat. One of the two. Anyway, I was scrambling. Like last year, Sitch fucking took some of the players I wanted so badly. I think that's why I've changed rosters so much. It's also the primary reason I've been in most trade discussions.
The stats don't lie. According to Yahoo! you've had 30 roster moves so far. Surprised at all?
ROAR! Oops, sorry, just yawning. Thirty moves? Meh, not exactly surprised. I'm like the jungle, you know? I go with the winds of change. I adapt, I think outside the box. I'm not rigid in my ways, so I make a lot of moves.
Got any trades on the horizon?
Always, Commissioner Randy. Al-the-fucking-ways.
Care to go into detail?
I like to remain in the tall grass. I will say this though; I'm openly looking at all potential offers. I had been the talks with Sitch a few weeks ago about a potential goalie swap, but things haven't materialized.
Speaking of Sitch, you're currently jockeying for third/fourth position with him. Does his team or any other team scare you?
It's the fucking Tree Bone. I can't believe what she's done. She doesn't trade, rarely makes any moves... it's insane. I know I was dubbed Stealth of the Quarter, but I seriously think Tree Bone deserves it too. She's just been so quiet and consistent. I know Sitch still rules in PPGP, but Tree Bone isn't behind in games, which means she's banked what she's earned. Sitch's team is threatening because of his 'projected' numbers; but we are all familiar with projections (see Patrick Stefan).
What are you implying?
Next question.
Alright then. Wed, Bed, Fed or Dead: Dick Burns, Tree Bone, Sitch and Burgundy. Go.
WED - I'd go with Tree Bone. We go way back; we've always been peas and carrots.
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| "We was like peas and carrots." - Forrest Gump |
BED - I was going to say Dick, but I think the idea of his burns and my mane would be too much; the post-sex clean-up would be too hairy and messy. The sheets would probably look like carpet, and we'd definitely clog the sink when we are freshening up. So, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Burgundy. He can take me to Pleasure Town.
FED - Roar this is a tough one. I'd feed Sitch, not because he said he'd slaughter me in his NQ, but because he's a meat-head; his meat would probably be the healthiest to feed out of all select-GMs.
Which means you'd leave Dick Burns for dead?
Guess so, right? All part of the game. Seems a bit cruel though, as the only reason why he's left for dead is because I didn't want to clean up the mess we would have made if we bumped uglies.
"It's alright, Safari," said Dick Burns. "I wouldn't want to clean up that shit either."
Wise words, Dick. We'll leave it there, Safari. Thanks for your time, and best of luck in the V.
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