The Draft for Randy's V commenced today from 3:00PM EDT and ended approximately at 4:00PM EDT, and it was nothing short of spectacular.
"Seconded," said Dick Burns.
The draft was an expansion draft in many different ways, with team Tree Bone joining the ranks in this year's League, as well as the select-GMs agreeing to expand roster positions for C, D, and G. In addition, all select-GMs began this year's draft with a pre-submitted Keeper, a decision which was said to be 'easiest' for one particular select-GM.
"My Crosbone, such a handsome man. Nobody's Keeper compares to mine," chuckled Burgs. "He'll amass the statistics of Gretzky, circa Gretzky's 3D Hockey."
While that prophecy remains to be seen, it was Dick Burns who had the upper hand, at least in the first round, of this year's draft. Said Dick came into this year's draft with two first round picks, one of which came from a trade with Safari during Randy's Redemption.
"Tavares was my top selection," said Dick Burns while sipping a cup-o-Tim's and abusing the free wifi. "I love my two Jo's (Jonathan Toews, his Keeper, and John Tavares). Nobody is deeper at C than Mr. Dick Burns."
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| Tavares, selected 1st overall, addresses media after the draft. |
Burgundy, with the second overall selection, picked up taxi-cab fanatic Patrick Kane, who had a stellar 2013 shortened season.
"With him, and my Crosbone, I'm unstoppable. Sitch can juice up all he wants; he ain't repeating as champ this season."
A pair of goalies were next to be selected; Dick Burns used his second first round pick to select Tuukka Rask, while AznSitch buffed up his goaltending (and team image) by selecting Henrik Lundqvist.
"I had King Henry last year; the guy fucking looks good in net. What can I say? I'm all about image; I'm all about sex appeal; I'm all about them bitties. And who gets bitties? Fuckin' King Henry. Dat'Z RITE!"
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| "Don't worry ladies - I'll be gentle." |
Finishing off round one was new entrant Tree Bone, who used her 5th overall selection to snatch up Erik Karlsson, arguably the most sought after D-man in the draft. Though his season was cut short last year due to injury, he did show promise when he returned for the Senator's playoff run.
"Team Tree Bone is all about the offense," said Tree Bone. Her roster also includes Evgeni Malkin, who was her Keeper pick before the draft. Assuming both Karlsson and Malkin are healthy, she may be able to back up her statement.
Safari, who had his first pick in the second round (8th overall), picked up last year's Norris winner, P.K. Subban. The star D-man was picked behind both Karlsson and Kris Letang (picked up by Sitch one pick ahead), and may be the steal of the draft if he can produce the way he did last year.
"It was a bit nerve-wrecking sitting on the sidelines during round one, but anytime I can get a Norris winner, I'm happy," said Safari. "I'm happy with my selection."
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| "Say (top) cheese!" |
The draft was not all fun and games (events inside the Randy Leagues are rarely 100% gentlemanly and ladylike). During the early rounds, Sitch and Burgs - as always - had their words with one another; one man taunted the fact that he shall never give up Randy's Title Belt, while the other insulted his fitness routines. Safari, always thinking ahead, threw out potential trades moments after the draft, either due to necessity or to see what he could swindle. Dick Burns, quiet and collected as he is, hinted that he's already looking for blockbuster trades. Tree Bone, new to the experience, absorbed it all, noting the catty-like nature of the other four select-GMs.
"It was a bit ridiculous," said Tree Bone. "These are grown men, dealing in a prestigious League; they should be professional. I wasn't expecting such shit-disturbing and chirping."
"You know what's ridiculous? A select-GM who can't figure out her team settings," said Dick Burns.
Wise words, Dick.
UP NEXT: the Draft - Combine Results. Stay tuned.
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