Randy's Back, Bitchez!

Before reading this post, all select-GMs MUST scream "Randy's Back, Bitchez!" five times at the top of their lungs. The Fucking Randy will wait patiently as each select-GM does as they are told.

Waiting...

Waiting...

"Uh, what if Sitch no read so good?" asks Sitch.

Well then, educate yourself, bitch! But for the time being, my illiterate friends may watch this video; they'll get the gist of what's going on.

Now, onto the business at hand.

WELCOME TO RANDY'S V! aka. as in Randy's Five, comprised of the five ("V") most talented, prestigious and honourable select-GMs on the planet. Of the V, four are returning select-GMs: AznSitch, winner of Randy's Redemption 2013; African Lion Safari, runner up in Randy's Redemption 2013; Ron Burgundy, bronze medalist in Randy's Redemption 2013; and Dick Burns, Hustler medalist in Randy's Redemption 2013. 

But who is the fifth and final member of this year's V, you ask? Well, shut the fuck up and I'll tell you all, bitchez.

It's Tree Bone, longtime friend of Sitch, Safari, Burgs, and Dick, and who coincidentally is a V herself. A big V dating some big D, might I add.

"Great Odin's raven, Sir Fucking Randy - your vulgarity is ever so bodacious in this post!" comments an eloquent Burgundy. "Are you feeling alright? Do you need a sippy-o'-scotch?"

Why, no I do not, Bodacious Burgs. But thank you so much for the offering. You see, the Fucking Randy had so much time off this summer, taking in family, friends, making gentle love, and participating in gentlemanly business endeavors. With such tame activities, the Fucking Randy could not exercise his normal love for vulgarity and mischief, which is likely the reason for such sudden outburst.

"Makes sense," chimes in Safari. "At least you didn't murder or rape someone."

Indeed, Safari, indeed. On that note, that is a fascinating 'Would-You-Rather" question. I'll keep that in mind for future posts.

Anyways, the purpose of this post is simply to inform all select-GMs that Randy's V 2013-2014 is officially underway; updates on League Matters, team sizes, dick'n'V sizes, draft dates, keeper submissions, etc. will be announced in the near future. As of right now, select-GMs should simply think about which keeper (only one) they wish to hold going into this year's draft. [As Tree Bone does not yet have a team, she will select her keeper after all select-GMs have submitted their keepers. An unidentified source informs the Fucking Randy that Sitch is likely to keep Stamkos, Safari will choose one of Malkin/Ovechkin, Burgs will keep Crosbone (duh), and Dick will likely keep Toews. This leaves Tree Bone with quite the decision to make for her keeper!]

The NHL season will not start until October, which means our live draft, hosted by Yahoo!, will likely take place at the end of September.

Additionally, feel free to click around the site and let Mr. Fucking Randy know if anything is not working properly.

For those who would like a refresher on last year's events, you may proceed to Randy's Redemption 2013.

In summary, welcome back, bitchez!

Wasaaap!

- the Fucking Randy